Party like a Walrus!
That Walrus is awesome! I wish I were as cool as a Walrus!
PLEASE COME HANG OUT IF YOU WANT!
Tomorrow night's Greg Johnson & Larry Murphy Show (every Friday in NYC) is sure to be one of our most awesome. Larry Murphy is unable to be with us, but we have a FANTASTIC line-up you are NOT going to want to miss. This is The Best Variety Show in NYC. PLEASE come hang out in The East Village tomorrow for one great, big, awesome show...
Joining us will be very funny guest comedians:
Pete Holmes (Best Week Ever, Comedy Central)
Hannibal Burress (Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson)
Patrick Borelli (Comedy Central)
John Mulaney (Late Night with Conan O'Brien)
Vince Averill (Comedy Central's Live at Gotham)
and Brett Gelman (MTV)
and more fun surprise guests! All very funny!
Come hang out if you want! Don't miss this one! Tell your friends! Pass it on and GET THERE EARLY!
See you tomorrow! Thanks so much for coming to the shows.
Greg
http://gregjohnsononline. blogspot. com
Greg Johnson and Larry Murphy w/special guests!
The Best Comedy Show in NYC!
Every Friday Night at 8!
Rififi
332 E11th Street btw 1st and 2nd Ave
New York, NY 10003
$5 - No Minimum - 21+
Walking distance to Union Square, Astor Place
N,R,W,Q,4,5,6,L Trains
"Best Variety Show" - 2008 ECNY Awards
"The best place to see comedy in NYC. Hands down.
" - brooklynvegan. com
"For the past few years, their inventive, laid back stand-up and sketch showcase has consistently drawn some of the sharpest new and heavyweight local acts. There's no telling who'll take the stage.
" - The Onion AV
"...a cohesive and happening new comedy scene downtown, one with an urbane sensibility and a vibe that is different from the established stand-up joints. The rooms are small. Shows are cheap, or free. And there is never a two-drink minimum.
" - The New York Times
"The most consistently funny and daring comedy show in New York City.
" - thecomicscomic. com
"Best Alternative Stand-Up Club" - Time Out NY
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Almost the End of the Weak
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
"Headlining" Tonight in Long Island City at The Creek and the Cave! Special Rififi Show THIS FRIDAY!
I will be doing a long set as the Comedian of Merit tonight at 9 at The Creek and the Cave on Long Island City.
This is a fun bar. Come hang out if you want to. The show is FREE. My jokes -for better or worse- are priceless.
Chill.
Only it's tonight!
And don't forget to come check out the Friday show at Rififi this Friday. We have a HUGE show lined up. It is destined to be one of our most memorable yet. This Friday! With big surprises. Tell your friends. Come hang out at Rififi this Friday night. Get there early!!!
Drudge Sirens Upside Your Dome Piece!
Fresh from Drudge -
HE'S BACK: Pastor Manning says Oprah, Obama, Rev Wright are 'Trinity of Hell'...
OMG!
Peyton Manning said that????
Asshole!
Call a Pizza Hut
COLIN FARRELL LOOKS GREAT!
Did he lose 120lbs?
Have a sandwhich, bra! I'm about to eat 6. 
Dominant.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sue Simmons Drops an F-Bomb
Thanks, College Humor.com! Where would college kids be without you? Probably reading books.
Thank you for making future Doctors dumber! It's just what America needs! We're going to make our parents so proud!
Real World: Chill-iamsburg! FINALLY!
Fresh off the presses -
MTV Plans 21st Season of Real World in Brooklyn
Wowsers.
Real World: Brooklyn? How chill is that gonna be?
Where will it be? Park Slope? Chilliamsburg? They have yet to decide. I'm thinking they move in to the old Golapogos Bar there right by the water near Bedford Ave. That would be how hot.
I have a feeling these kids are IN for it though. It's pretty safe to say. Hipster rage is going to be in full effect. infact, all the people of Brooklyn (affluent transplants and locals alike) will be standing at the border of Brooklyn looking to keep these kids out.
Even idiots look down on Real Worlders. Pete Wentz will probably be among the mob like "pffft! Real Worlders: what a bunch of fairies!"
"My passions? Music and eyeliner. And necklace tats."
They should shoot it in my neighborhood in Bushwick. Those kids would never make it out alive.
That would probably ensure the first reality TV death. Which we've been waiting for for YEARS now.
Pedro from RW: San Fransisco doesn't count. He died after the show ended.
Ups though.
America's been totally waiting on a reality TV death. There's gonna be The Ill media blitz if someone ever died on Amazing Race or something.
Hasn't happened though. I mean, there's plenty of people we've seen on reality television we'd LIKE to see die.
JK?
JK?
JK?
But we have yet to see a death.
Real World: Bushwick could make that a (Reality TV) reality.
I would apply for the Real World: Brooklyn if they didn't only accept 16-19 year olds on that show nowadays. Plus, I'm not an alcoholic. When was the last time a plot line on that show didn't involve getting blacked out? Maybe New Orleans when that dude sang come on be my baby tonight? Maybe?
That was the best thing I've ever seen. Gotta believe someone was blacked out that episode though. Safe to say.
I watched some Real World recently. It always amazes me how much they fight on that show.
I'd be like "guys, relax! Last I checked, we're on The Real World. Check out all these free clothes. Why are you fighting? Grab the bong and let's hit the hot tub."
If I was on The Real World, I would have NO WORRIES. There would be NO fighting whatsoever.
I'd sit in the hottub the ENTIRE time. We're talking WEEKS. I'D GET LIKE DAVID BLAINE IN THAT THING!!!
Real World: Brooklyn - here I come.
Monday, May 12, 2008
My Blog Now Has an Intern!
I am happy to report that my blog now has an intern. And that man is Keith.
That's not a picture of him. That's a young Meatloaf.
I looked at A LOT of applications. I received them from all over the world: Uruguay to Utah. New York to Nepal. Stanton and Ludlow to Stanton and Allen. But I decided the best man for the job is not only living right here in New York City, he's also been my friend for years and years. In the end, that made my decision easy. Plus, he was the only one who actually applied. I was not being seriously.
I think this is really going to up the quality of the site around here. At this rate, we are hoping to be America's number #1 site by the year 2-10. In case you didn't know yet, the cool way to start saying the years after 2009 is by simply saying 2 plus the number at the end of the year. So, for example, if you're currently a college freshman, you probably have plans to graduate in 2-11 or 2-12.
Pretty chill, huh?
It's crap like that that's going to help Keith and I make gregjohnsononline.buttspace.org the most popular website in America. Thank you, faithful readers.
In addition, it's partnerships with other phenomenally intellectual sites like the one intern Keith suggested a partnership with just yesterday.
http://manbabies.com/1
Brilliant.
Good work, Keith. If Don Rickles and the rest of the 20th centuries greatest humorists were still alive, Manbabies would probably be their homepage.
Siiick.
Wanna hear a street joke?
Knock Knock
(Who's there?)
Craig Kilborne
(Craig Kilborne who?)
THAT'S SHOWBIZ!!!
Yes, sir. Things are really on the up and up around here. And now, two baby tigers in outer space.
Onwards and upwards, faithful readers!
Enough. Make it stop.
myspace.com/gregjohnsonblog
Thank God It's Monday! FINALLY!
How good are Mondays??? We get to work ALL WEEK!!!!!!!
subject line: If anyone can find a copy of this i will pay for it
That youtube clip is unbelievable. If youtube shut down tomorrow (I kind of feel like it might), that will be the best file they had ever archived.
If you know me, you know I don't ever like to make generalizations like that. Ever.
Agent 00 is a genius.
Thanks to Trevor for sending me that.
Whoa! What a bunch of chill ass dudes. Looking like an ultimate frisbee team. Looking like The Ultimate ultimate frisbee team.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Geniuses on a Friday! (Part 2 of 3)
It's raining geniuses!
Blind Bowler Scores a Perfect Game
NO WAY!
Manchild.
The Times said Dale Davis, 78, of Alta, called the game "quite a thrill." He rolled 12 back-to-back strikes, the first-ever perfect game at the Century Lanes.
And he's blind!
What a beast!
Sorting it.
“I can’t see the lane or the pins and have a heck of a time finding my ball sometimes,” Davis told The Times.
You'd think somebody would help a brother out. He should take on an assistant. How do I apply?
Killin it.
His first introduction to bowling was as a pin-setter in his early teens, making roughly 45 cents per night.
Make it rain, Dale!
Davis sports a 188 average and said he hopes to score another perfect game when he's 90, The Times reported.
It's in the bag.
Just to put this in perspective, I have never even bowled a perfect game. And I try and get out and bowl at least twice a year.
MORE - Alta's Blind Bowler Rolls a Perfect Game
A perfect game. The most difficult achievement a bowler can accomplish.
It’s even more impressive when a blind World War II veteran does it.
And you know this.
Dale Davis: Bowler/Manchild.
Geniuses on a Friday! (Part 1 of 3)
Physics Wonderboy to Test Einstein's Theories
Whoa! Nima Arkani-Hamed! Physics wonderboy! Challenging Einstein!What a porn star!
Genius!
Nima Arkani-Hamed, a theoretical physicist, predicts large extra dimensions
Dominant. Of course he does.
Look at that sh*teating grin! Manchild!
Results may change ideas of spacetime for the first time since Einstein.
Hot damn! 
What a genius! I bet if you heard this kid speak, your face would implode. Although, they didn't mention that in the article.
What a goddamn pornstar. I bet this dude's got vision like The Terminator.
Arkani-Hamed's string theory postulates that the building blocks of matter are vibrating strings.
I can certainly tell you the building blocks of my life are vibrating strings.
TREY'S VIBRATING STRINGS!!!!
But it looks like we found a greater genius.
"Oh! Why hello, friends! I am Nima Arkani-Hamed. If you have a minute, I'll prove to you very clearly -through numbers and logical proofs- that there is a God...
...and it's me."
My only beef is he doesn't have a myspace page. His entire brain is probably a social networking site though. If you don't understand how it could be, you don't need to. Leave it to Nima.
I bet his uni-brow can see through time.
myspace.com/gregjohnsonblog
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Come Check Out The Greg Johnson & Larry Murphy Show! This Friday Night (5/9) w/Special Guests! Best Variety Show in NYC!
Hi,
We have an EXTRA AWESOME show for you this Friday night. DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW! Come hang out at Rififi THIS FRIDAY NIGHT (5/9) for The Best Variety Show in the city!
This week! With!
Heather Lawless (Comedy Central)
Seth Herzog (VH1)
Brian Fischler ("The World's Funniest Legally Blind Comedian")
Tom McCaffrey (Comedy Central)
Dan Newbower (Howard Stern TV, VH1)
Some of the best comedians in the country! Come one, come all! This is this Friday night (5/9). Come hang out again if you want. It's going to be a really fun one. DO NOT MISS THIS SHOW!
Pass it on and GET THERE EARLY!
Thanks a lot for coming to the shows,
Greg
Greg Johnson and Larry Murphy w/special guests!
Every Friday Night
8:15 open
Rififi/Cinema Classics
332 E11th Street btw 1st and 2nd Ave
New York, NY 10003
Walking distance to Union Square, Astor Place
4,5,6,N,R,W,Q,L Trains
"Best Variety Show" - 2008 ECNY Awards
"The best place to see comedy in NYC. Hands down." - brooklynvegan.com
"For the past few years, their inventive, laid back stand-up and sketch showcase has consistently drawn some of the sharpest new and heavyweight local acts. There’s no telling who’ll take the stage" - The Onion AV
"The most consistently funny and daring comedy show in New York City." - thecomicscomic.com
"...a cohesive and happening new comedy scene downtown, one with an urbane sensibility and a vibe that is different from the established stand-up joints. The rooms are small. Shows are cheap, or free. And there is never a two-drink minimum." - The New York Times
"Best Alternative Stand-Up Club" - Time Out NY
I Didn't Think They Would Though
Right?
Cause it's pretty dumb to get married after knowing each other 3 weeks.
I wanted to believe people know better. And not everyone's an idiot.
Get after it.
What do you suppose Nick Cannon's back tat says in that small photo there? Maybe something like "AIN'T NO PRE-NUP!" In Chinese lettering.
Previously on gjo.blogspot.com - Cannon - I Wanna "Marry-ya", Carey!
BTW. "Britney's Victory" is her sons' loss. If what I read about her mental state is true. AND EVERYTHING I READ IS TRUE!!!
Speaking of which! Oh no! Wynona Ryder died??? None of the major news sites are reporting it. But it's on the internet!!!
Big ups!
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Review - Brooklynvegan's Rock & ROFL at Pianos in NYC
Wow.
Check out this chill ass review of The Brooklyn Vegan show I was a part of the other night with Louis CK, John Mulaney, The War on Drugs and some others.
Greg Johnson is really one of the best up and coming comics in NYC (Eugene Mirman agrees) and he had the daunting task of following Louis. I see Greg do stand-up quite often so none of the jokes were new to me, but they all still made me laugh out loud. He crafts these really great, quick, sharp jokes that sort of remind me of an older style of comedy. He's awesome.
This review is almost as chill as the show itself.
Brooklynvegan Rock & ROFL at Pianos
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
The Jammys are Wednesday! Overheard at Kinko's on 7th Avenue
I overheard The Jammys (Jam Band Grammy's) are tomorrow in NYC at MSG while I was in line at Kinko's and, man, you will not BELIEVE what else I overheard.
Here is a rough transcript of the conversation I just overheard at Kinko's on 7th Avenue. I was in line for about 11 minutes.
This just happened to me. At 3pm. No lie.
Two extremely chill dudes in their mid 20's are standing behind me in line. One turns to address the other.
Guy 1 (souther twang): You like The Dead, man? (commenting on something on his person)
Guy 2: Hell, yeah! Seen them a bunch of times! Never with Jerry though.
My head: Wow. Chill, bra! Big ups to Jerry!
Guy 1 (southern twang): Really? You follow them around and stuff?
Guy 2 (probably lying): Aww, yeah! Sure! We went, uhhh, Philly to New York last year. Followed Phil. Uhhh, and then, ummm, two years ago, we went Massachusettes to Tennessee.
Guy 1: Tennessee? Really? Where? Was it Bonnaroo?
Guy 2 (still probably lying): Ummmm, yep!
Guy 1: Oh, that's my hometown! I live down there.
My head: OMG! This is amazing! I LOVE these dudes. I should say something.
Guy 2: Wow. Really? You're from Bonnaroo?
Guy 1: Yeah, I live right on the property. You know at the festival where the VIP parking and toilets are? That's where I live!
My head: Wow. Sounds fancy. I feel like I'm there!
Guy 2: Cool, man! Cool! Do you get to go to the festival for free?
Guy 1: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT!
HELL, yeah, dude!!!
(He was pretty much annoyed by the question.)
Guy 2: Cool!
Guy 1: Yeah, I go every year. I live there. I'm living here for 3 months.
Guy 2: Oh! Well, dude! What are you doing Wednesday? Because...THE JAMMYS ARE AT MSG!!!
My head: OMG! Am I on Candid Camera? Is this a Punk'd? Did my friends set this up? How are these two such quick friends???
Guy 1: Jammy's, really? What's that?
Guy 2: It's like an awards show! (Now HE is annoyed by the question)
Guy 1: How much?
Guy 2: (still annoyed, since price should NOT be an issue) Eh, like $60 bucks. But, dude! It's gonna be...dude...Doug from Disco Biscuits is hosting!
Guy 1: Oh!
Guy 2: No, dude. Yeah. You should check it out. It's sold out, but still. (Still what?) Phish is getting a lifetime acheivement award, dude!
My head: 
Guy 2 (continued): It's gonna be gnarly, man!
My head: Gnarly? Gnarly means bad. So, he's right. But I don't think he knows he's right.
Guy 1: I saw Trey at Bonarroo two years ago.
Guy 2: Oh, yeah?
(At this point, the two gentlemen lower their voices, turn their backs to the line and continue speaking to one another. I can IMMEDIATELY tell they are beginning to talk about illegal drugs. It's about time!!! I had just been wondering when it was going to happen. Two strangers don't bond over Bonnaroo, Phish and The Jammy's for over 5 minutes and not have drugs come up during minute six. You won't see it happen.)
(Around this time, I begin to laugh out loud and ask the girl behind me for a pen to document the highlights as they unfold. She didn't have one. Just then, Guy 1 is holding his thumb and fore finger about 5 inches apart, which I assume indicates a size or amount of a certain drug.)
Soon after, their conversation becomes audible again -
Guy 2: ...yeah, I've found a WHOLE bunch of stuff on the ground at The Festival.
My head: Remarkable!
Guy 2: Well, shoot man, let me get your number so for when you're down at Bonnaroo.
(They exchange numbers. Which SHOCKS me. These guys have known each other 8 minutes and they are exchanging numbers...SO THEY CAN MEET UP IN TENNESSEE IN JUNE!)
Guy 2: What's your name?
Guy 1: Call me Mikey Rue.
Dead ass serious. He said that. Dead ass.
And all I could think was "holy crap! This kid's got the same last name as The Festival itself!"
Unreal.
Mikey Rue! See you at Bonna Roo!
http://bonnaroo.com/
This one's for you guys -
myspace.com/gregjohnsonblog
Taking It Too Favre
Boy Finally Takes Favre Jersey Off After 4 Years
OMG.
Does this kid have parents??? Wearing the same shirt for 4 years sounds like torture to me. Is Favre his father or something?
The Ridgefield, Conn. boy, 12, wore the No. 4 jersey every day since receiving it as a gift for Christmas in 2003.
Wow. I wonder if, when they bought it for him as a gift, they were like "I hope he likes it."
And then he wore it everyday for a year. And they were like "he likes it."
David's father, Chuck Witthoft, said Monday that his son's last day wearing the jersey was April 23 -- his 12th birthday.
And, incidentally, the day he learned girls would never like him if he wore the same football jersey everyday.
I take that back. This kid does have parents. SMART parents. If my kid wore the same shirt every day, I'd be like "DO IT! This just in! Less shirt for you = more money for me!"
I'd be big timing it!
Witthoft conceded his son was starting to become more concerned about his appearance after the jersey barely came down to his belt line.
Will he take it out of retirement if Favre comes out of retirement? That would be sick!!
Hippy-Crites!
"Hippy-crites!?" LOLZ! What will they think of next???
Just how "green" are these preachy celebrities? Well, they're calling Pitt, Travolta and some of their cronies "hippy-crites."
Check it out -
Sort it.
This one's great - 
Wow! That's pretty amazing. A 150 passenger plane all to himself? What a dope!
Sort that out, Johnny.
Then again. I mean...
HE DOES LOOK GREAT!!!
Jeezy peezy, Dom Deluisey. What is up with your boy's STACHE, son???
Daily Mail - Do These Celebrities Practice What They Preach?
John Bradshaw Layfield Wrecks Shop
This video is psychotic, ridiculous, and totally hilarious.
JBL Kicks Out Illegals and Strengthens The USA
Unreal.
Keith did you watch that? It's totally psychotic.
That's like literally one of my favorite youtube videos of all time. This morning it is, at least.
JBL is The Man right now. WWE's finest.
wikipedia - John Layfield
NYT Business - Selling Chat on Fox, and a Sex Potion on the Side
